Networking Without the Nerves: 7 Refreshing Truths
I never cease to be amazed at how nervous some clients get when I broach the idea of networking. The topic seems to bring up all sorts of anxieties:
‘I don’t have the charisma for it.’ ‘I hate being forward with people.’ ‘I’m an introvert.’
Very often, there lurks a terror of awkwardness and rejection behind these fears.
There are a lot of misconceptions around what networking is—and what it’s for.
So what is networking?
Put simply: it’s the making, nurturing, or reactivating of connections.
And what is it for?
Also simple: it’s for increasing the chances of good new opportunities opening up for you on the career front.
(That it can sometimes lead to real friendships is a delightful bonus—but not the core function.)
Networking, whether at organised events or in quiet one-to-ones, is not the career equivalent of dating!
Nor is it quite the same as socialising within your friend group (though it can, of course, include that).
It’s just a way of being connected and tapping into the power of high-quality conversations.
7 Tips for Better Networking
They apply generally, but with absolute bells on for anyone facing redundancy or boosting a job search.
1. Use LinkedIn
No explanation needed, right? LinkedIn is the go-to place for connecting with people in a career context.
There is no excuse in this day and age for not building and maintaining a profile—and making the very most of the platform.
2. Be information-oriented
The more people you know in the professional space, the more information you have at your disposal.
Only a small fraction of career-relevant critical information is in the public sphere or on social media.
Nothing beats one-on-one connections with people in the field. They know things—and people—that could prove game-changing for you.
(And no, I am not talking cronyism here—just the kind of IRL, on-the-ground observations that can make all the difference.)
I cannot tell you the number of people I know whose lives have been changed by a chance remark from someone where the action is.
👉 Tip within a tip: Always ask whoever you’re talking to if they know someone else worth talking to.
3. Don’t be shy about telling people what you want
Avoid beating around the bush. Just be honest.
If you want to grab a coffee because you need their take on something, say so.
If you want help, ask.
Many people are actually chuffed and complimented to be asked.
And in the case of those who aren’t generous sharers, it’s useful to find that out sooner rather than later.
So skip the hints. Get to the point. Most people find indirect solicitation irritating—and transparently so.
4. Be a good connection yourself
Take a leap, and assume that the law of karma holds true.
So for heaven’s sake, be decent. Help where you can. Be generous with your time and advice.
Plug into the whole ethos of give-and-take that lies at the authentic heart of networking.
You’re not the only person who has struggles. Be empathetic. Be available.
Be there for others, just as you would like others to be there for you.
5. Don’t go all ‘alpha’ if it’s not you. Just be yourself.
Some people make the mistake of (figuratively) putting on their Super-Networking Hat.
They become self-conscious. Try too hard. Over-talk. Power-dress in ways that feel off.
They even get pushy, cosplaying some character out of Succession.
They think they have to impress, impress, impress.
Better far to just be authentic.
It will help you relax into good conversations.
It will also make you a better listener—which means you’ll get more from conversations and come across as more empathetic.
👉 Tip within a tip: Don’t treat networking like a job interview.
You’re not on trial!
If curiosity (informational and personal), rather than self-consciousness, is your dominant mood—you’ve got this right.
6. Don’t underestimate the power of your existing connections
Draw a network map. You’ll see: you’re not starting from zero.
Many connections already available to you are latent.
An old college friend. A friend-of-a-friend you chatted to last summer. A cousin you see every Christmas.
Sometimes these latent connections are the most powerful of all.
Why? Because you are a known and trusted quantity. You have backstory, history, context.
This gives depth to any conversation when you reach out.
So—reach out!
7. Be on the lookout for collaborative synergies
This is gold for entrepreneurs—but useful well beyond them.
Few things are more wonderful than the unexpected ‘click’ when talented people connect.
The paradigm shifts from ‘Can this person help me?’ to ‘Hey, maybe we can help each other here…’
Most powerful of all is when two (or more) people realise that together they can be something bigger than the sum of their parts.
As one client said to me after such a meeting:
‘I went in with a dream idea, and came out with a much bigger dream—and a kindred spirit to help me realise it.’
When you meet someone like this, go with the flow.
Don’t let your preset Plan A veto a richer, bigger Plan B.
So—ready to think differently about networking?
It’s not about charisma, not about being ‘alpha,’ and not about schmoozing.
It’s about conversations, curiosity, and connection.
